TO DO IT OR NOT TO DO IT…
The girl was laying on the bed tainted in sin with tears running down her face. The situation was too much for her to handle. The choice had already been made. All that time, she had been waiting for a miracle that turned out to be late on showing. Once again she had to fight with her own fears, but, this time, they were so much stronger that she had lost the fight …
She was afraid of loneliness. All her life, she had been looking for her soul mate, waiting for his appearance, longing for his touch. And, finally, when she felt that everything seemed too good to be true, her intuition was right … she had to make a choice that, either way, would affect her future.
Choices are almost never the same with what we are expecting from life. Most of the times, we wish things not to happen the way we are visualising them, the way they are meant to be. Now, she had to make a choice between her “perfect half” and the result of their love, the child she wanted so much.
But why did she have to choose? Why couldn’t he accept the child? Instinctively, when he had suggested her to give up on her own child, she had been running away so much until she found herself in a far neighbourhood. Then, her tears seemed to find a way in his heart for a brief moment, but everything lasted until he talked with his mother. The latter hadn’t even wanted to hear that her precious boy was going to have a child. A before-the-wedding baby was out of the question. She was going to become a mockery for all her relatives and neighbours. No one would have talked about anything but him and his family. So then, he, being scared ofall that gossip, decided, at least for him and his parents’ pride, not to accept a disaster like that!
Once more, the days and hours of crying and begging him, praying for the innocent baby’s life, for what she perceived as redemption, a salvation from all and everything, kept on going …
Now, she was waiting to enter “the doctor’s office”- as his mother named it. But that was far from a real doctor’s office. How could she enter a real doctor’s office and have the guts to tell that she wanted to do an abortion? Abortions were illegal! They were all going to be punished. Thus, the white-coated doctor was replaced by an old disreputable woman. The white-walled office shrunk into a shady chamber with only a filthy-hard-sheeted bed and some candles lightened up in the memory of the lost souls. All that trusty and pure white turned into darkness. And after all this darkness, everyone knew what would follow: red, a lot of red and emptiness… an empty place in her heart, in her soul and in her womb. Red and empty.
The old woman opened the door and approached her in a hurry. The girl was invited inside. She stood up and trembling turned one more time to him. He was speechless. His mother was also there to assure that the disaster wouldn’t stray upon her family. She was speechless, too. No one said anything. And all the things he had said before… so many promises, so many poems, so many love words. Now, it seemed like he had his mouth sewn.
One last time, she looked sadly at the doctor and thought about her family. They knew nothing. Her mother had died from one of these illegal abortions, too, so she preferred to keep speechless, to have her mouth sewn as well.
She entered the chamber. Dark red emptiness…and the lack of freedom to choose for your life!